#1 Do Not Try This At Home.

As a writer, my day job is to create make believe TV commercials with twists of humors and surprises. One of the numerous ideas that once featured was using Lagos bus conductors to sell energy drinks. 

Well besides other things that make Lagos bus conductors high, (sorry did I just say high?), yeah or what do you think would make a normal person jump off a fast moving car? It beats me too.

It was always a sight to behold when bus conductors do their many antics (really, nobody wants to have one have as an Uncle or cousin, "Hey, i saw your Uncle Lagbaja conducting along Ipaja!" hehehe!).

 Anyway, these men have perfected the art of jumping off and catching on fast moving vehicles. Many of them will tell you it wasn't something they mastered in a day or a week and they'll probably flash scars to authenticate their stories.

For the conductors, this art is also a tool of the trade.

You either get it or you get out. Bus conducting isnt for slackers. This skill is a high criterion to be an upward moving bus conductor. This stunt, usually performed on smoothly paved highways, is a skill needed to avoid the exorbitant levy collecting touts who parade most bus stops.

It's always humorous when commuters, especially the posing graduates of Motion and Mechanics, still prove bus conductors are smarter in this area of physics. They jump off the moving bus, expecting the road to move along with them.

It is also amazing to see Lagosians adapt this act over time and by compulsion, they had to learn to leap with the crowd or forever wait at the bus stops. I’ve seen pregnant women, olb Babas, school pupils even the Sisi Ekos, struggle to catch the ever elusive Lagos bus.

It’s a show of guts and courage, and you have to eliminate doubt totally believing you can do it. One tiny winy doubt you are a goner! Your mind and your feet must work in perfect synchronized pace. Getting on is one thing, jumping off is another.

As part of the showmanship, some Conductors put on floppy bathroom slippers to enhance their landing sound effect. They land with a "floppy boom" of rapid successive steps that bangs like a trailer tire on top speed. 

Unfortunately, as the days of molue and "Fanagon" buses are fading into oblivion, so are these exhilarating bus stunts becoming a lost art. No more exciting bus rides now that we all queue like zombies and drag our feet waiting for government buses.

Eko ba je tiii!